


Habits.

by Bloodystupid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Child Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Neighbors, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Send help please, Suicide Attempt, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28174653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodystupid/pseuds/Bloodystupid
Summary: Well, basically, you are Sachiro's new neighbour. You have an abusive father and a dead mother. Even though you two share the same class, it isn't until the start of your 2nd year in high school that you start talking and interacting.
Relationships: Hirugami Sachirou/Reader
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people! Well, I don't pretend to bore you to death as I tell you about this being my first fanfic. What I'm trying to do is to integrate songs that remind me of some haikyuu characters to my writing (does that make sense at all?).  
> Sorry if there are mistakes, but even though I have been studying English for the last 13 years, I think I lack a lot of things on it.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story. I don't know yet what's going to happen. I have a general outline of what I want to write, but I have to think about the details and all that :P

“I tried to kill myself twice before coming here to Nagano” you just plainly said while looking at the clear night sky above the two of you. However, you didn’t think your confession would be enough to generate shock in the middle blocker, which was exactly what it did.

“What!?”, he chocked while saying this, “Why are you telling this to me? And why are you so relax about it?” he was looking at you with concern, maybe a little bit of sadness, but the predominant emotion in his face was confusion. At this point, his torso was up from the grass in direction to your body, being held one of his arms.

“Well, I never thought I would get to see you lose your cool, but it seems you are not as heartless as I thought you were.” You turned your head to see his reaction. Certainly, you preferred his smirks or smiles, even if he was laughing at you. You continue “Do you remember the talk the boys were having a few weeks ago? About kissing and having a girlfriend?” and if you thought that he had showed you the most i-don’t-know-what’s-going-on face when you had told about your failed suicide attempts, you were wrong. His face changed even more, morphing into something that could be read as “are you just fucking kidding”. 

Nonetheless, he answered, showing that he wasn’t lost for words (yet) “Wha… yes. I mean… yes, I remember that” he said, trying to sound as calm as possible. You could clearly listen some scepticism in his voice, though. “Why are you bringing that right now? What has that to do with…” he trailed of, not wanting to mention your episodes.

“I remember that conversation, too. I don’t exactly remember what every boy said about their type of girl, how deep their tongues went into someone’s mouth, or how hard they cummed their first time. But, what I do remember is the lack of contribution from your part in the conversation.” You were looking at the sky again. You said your words calmly, without a thread of judgement or mocking. “This led me to conclusions.”

He was on the grass again, looking at the stars. He thought that, maybe, he could conceal his red ears. He didn’t know he failed miserably. “And those would be…?”

“First, I thought that you were being as reserved as you have always been. However, as the time passed by and the conversation escalated, I realised nobody asked you about your love life, which made me think about the possibility that have no love life to talk about.” As you were stating your 2nd conclusion, you turned your head to face him. The first thing you noted was that his ears were red. A weak smile took place in your face. You tried to find a movement in his body, the slightest change in his face; something that would give away which one of the option you had just told was the one fitting him. But of course, you weren’t that lucky. Well, more like he was lucky that it was already late, the sun set and the moonlight did not help your eyesight to see anything that would help you. 

There was silence and nothing more. Just for a few minutes, though. You thought it would be better to keep your mouth shut this time. By no means were you best friends, or even friends, and some people didn’t like talking about this topic with mere acquaintance, or even at all. 

“To be an absent-minded person, you are very observant”, was the first thing he said. He was looking at you now. You looked into his eyes intently, wanting to know if your line of thoughts had connected the dots correctly. “But maybe I had a terrible experience with an ex-girlfriend and it is settled that the team won’t ask me about it. That would be a 3rd option, don’t you think?” he asked with that unmistakable smirk of his. 

You smirk at him “Oh, no. How could I possibly forget about that? I’m such a foolish girl”, you said, putting the back of your hand on your forehead and faking concern. “Oh, wait” you started again, with the expressionless tone and face you could muster, “You have been single all your life, Hirugami-kun.”

“How do you know that?” he asked, as calm as always.

“I’m everywhere.” You said while laughing at your silly answer.

“Eavesdropping is not a good habit, y/n.” he said while smiling, feigning innocent. 

“Well, it’s not my fault that you are so handsome that all the girls in school talk about how you constantly reject them! Forget about talking, they scream about you.” You said while crossing your arms over your chest. 

“So, you think I’m handsome?” he asked with the most smugly smirk he could have ever made.

Your eyes widened as you realised you had put (not only one but he two of) your foot in it. You closed your eyes. Well, more like you squeezed them as shut as you could, trying to evaporate in the air, so that you could avoid saying more things you weren’t supposed to say. You cursed yourself. But he just laughed at your antics. When you opened your eyes, he wasn’t looking at you but at the sky. It was full of stars, but you could not take your eyes out of the boy next to you. It was a breath-taking sight. The only thing you wanted to do at that moment was to caress his wavy hair for all eternity. 

“You aren’t going to answer my questions, aren’t you?” he asked, and you swore that you heard expectancy in his voice. You naively thought that he had “forgotten” about your previous statement. But of course he didn’t. I mean, in what respects taking information, analysing it and saving it, Hirugami was like a computer. 

“Why haven’t you had a girlfriend?” you were looking at the stars. 

“I think I asked you first.” He stated. “I still don’t understand why you brought up that conversation.” 

“Tell me the reason why you haven’t even kissed anyone and you will get the reason why I told you about me trying to end me.” You turned your head to him, seriousness evident in your eyes and in your voice. 

Sachirō locked eyes with you. You both kept like that for a good five minutes. He then moved his head facing the dark night and said “I don’t have the time nor the desire of being tongue-tangled with a girl.” 

“You know, I think you are a lot of things, but it never occurred to me that you were a liar.” You while you slowly stood up, he turned to look at you. He just watched you clean your clothes for the grass that might have got stuck. And then, as if you were alone, started to go back to the city. You didn’t even say goodbye to him. Now that he thinks about it, you have never said goodbye to him, or to anyone in general. The most similar thing to a farewell greeting he has ever seen you do was a salute like greeting to one of the girls at school. 

At that moment, Hirugami thought that his nickname, Hirugami “the Immovable”, fitted him really well. He watched you leave. He didn’t move a muscle. He did nothing. He just stayed there as you shrunk in the horizon. Fortunately for him, eavesdropping wasn’t your only bad habit. You tended to forget things. And this night was no exception. You forgot your jacket on the grass. He immediately grabbed it, shook it a bit so any grass remnants would fall again to the ground. And after that, he ran after you. You didn’t use to walk fast, but why the hell were you almost all the way into the city now? He had spent more time that he thought watching you retracting to the lights.


	2. Chapter 2

You heard his footsteps and breathing getting closer. You stopped on your feet, but you didn’t look back at him. You just said “Are you ready to tell me the truth or are you just gonna lie to me again?”. Instead of answering verbally, Hirugami put your jacket on your shoulders. He noticed that you were trying to repress your body from shaking. He remembered you told him you hated cold weather. Such a joke, moving to a place which famous for having one held the Winter Olympics. After he placed your jacket, he led the way to the nearest convenience store. He didn’t ask you which drink or flavour you would like to have. No, he didn’t need to ask you. He knew exactly what you would choose. And why’s that? It is simple. Because he has been observing you since you first appeared in his life. Not just looking absent-mindedly, but paying attention to your preferences, your dislikes, your gestures, your habits. So, he just took a can of orange juice and one of coffee, and then he bought some sweets. He noticed you had a sweet tooth. You just observed what he was doing. You noticed there was no hesitation on his movements, not even when he took out his wallet. A weak smile appeared in your face as you heard him asking for some candies. (And then, it just hit you right there and then. He has been watching you.)

Once he paid for the item, he opened the door for you to get out of the shop. He guided you to a bench in a park a block away from the store. You both sit there, side by side. You weren’t overly awkward with the complete silence being kept by you two, but you certainly wanted him to answer your question. And you were hoping that this time he would tell what he really thought.

“I… I think there are other ways of being intimate or connect with someone other than putting your tongue deep down on their throats. I also think that sex is overrated. I mean, I heard and read many amazing things about it, and a want to try it, but I don’t think it is something that should be taken lightly.” He just straightforwardly stated. His eyes were looking at his can, but a close inspection told you he wasn’t really looking at it. He was zoning out. After some minutes, he lifted his gaze to you. Your eyes were soft on him. He did not detect criticism nor pity or embarrassment. No. Absolutely nothing like that. What he did find was relief. 

“Well, that wasn’t that difficult to say, was it?” you said while sporting a simper.

“I still don’t get how that answer my questions.” He said a bit upset.

“I mean, isn't it obvious? I’m trying to connect with you, you beanpole.” Now your smile was a shy one. Your cheeks got a bit red but not much. But of course he noticed.

He was speechless, breathless, and clueless about what to say or do for the first time in much time. He absolutely did not see that coming. He didn’t think you were his friend, but you weren’t just his neighbour. So, where exactly were you?

“I like when you play volleyball. And when it comes to animals, god. It makes me wonder if I would ever find something that makes me feel the same as you. The passion can be perceived in your eyes and voice. And the little sketches you make on the margin of you notebooks, they are the cutest. Also, I love the way you read to me when I’m lazing around. I like to listen to you when you get worried about your future.” You were facing the sky. As forward as you were when you confessed to him, that little courage escaped your body as soon as you started naming the things you liked about him.

_‘What the hell am I supposed to say’_ was the first thing that Hirugami thought. He has seen this type of scenes in movies and series. But that’s all they were, movies and series. This was real life. And if he did not choose his words correctly, he would fuck everything up for real.

But before he could put into words any coherent line of thoughts, you went on saying “Oh and I’m relaxed talking about it because I’ve come to make peace about my mother’s death. After my second attempt and my subsequent hospitalisation, I realised that my mother wouldn’t be happy to see that I followed her so quickly.” You stop talking, but you weren’t done with what you wanted to say. Hirugami looked at your peaceful and relaxed face. “She was always telling me not to worry about things not going my way. _‘Enjoy your life’, ‘go out with your friends’, ‘find love’_ ; she would always tell me corny things like that. But deep inside me, like really deep, I was so grateful for having her telling me these things. I still am. I know she’s gone but I will forever treasure every single word she has told me.”

Sachirō has never thought about his parents or siblings passing. God, he hasn’t even thought about his dog passing. It had to be a horrible and indescribable sensation of emptiness. “Do miss her?” ‘ _Really, Sachir_ ō _? That’s the best you could come with?_ ’ he thought to himself, trying not to die of embarrassment. He was proud of how his feature didn’t give way his internal mortification.

“Of course I do, silly. I mean, she was my mother after all.” You said while looking at him with watery eyes.

“What is the thing you miss the most?”

“Mmmmm, that’s a difficult question” you answered, taking your hand to your chin and changing your expression to a thoughtful one, “maybe her cooking and her singing. Her dorayaki was the best thing in this world. I’d kill for having one last try of hers. And well, she wasn’t the best singer, but her singing never failed to change any of my sour moods.” You said while smiling softly at the memories of your mother. _‘She would have liked you, Sachir_ ō _’_ you thought, but you restricted yourself from telling him, not wanting to inflate his ego even more.

“I have never thought about someone close to me passing. I mean, I know it is something that eventually will come, but it seems so far away now, so foreign.” He said to her, looking to the sky, lost in thought.

“It’s a good thing you know it. Most people just ignore it until something happens. I’m not saying that it hurts less, but at least you are aware about the fact that that moment will eventually come.”

“What happened to …” Sachirō trailed off, afraid that maybe he was about to cross a boundary he should.

“She took way too much sleeping pills.” You answered his unfinished question. “She was so tired about my father verbal abuse. She used to say to me ‘ _I just want to sleep a bit more’ or ‘let’s wait until your father is gone’_ ” you told him, trying to keep your tears from spilling. “I can’t blame her. Now, I really know the hell she was going through.” You added, sniffing a bit too loud for your comfort. Hirugami took a tissue from his pocket and handed it to you. “You are always prepared, aren’t you, Hirugami-kun?” you asked him with a timid smile while grabbing the tissue to wipe your eyes and nose. “Thanks. For the tissue and for listening. It means a lot. I think is time we head back home. Don’t you think so?” you smiled at him and rose form your seat.

“It’s Sachirō. And you don’t have to thank me. I like listening to you.” He said while taking your hand as he rose up.

You look down to your hands and said: “You know this is not necessary. I don’t expect you to feel the same. And please, don’t do this out of pity. I’d rather have my two legs cut off before you liking me back because of my dead mother and my abusive father.” You were now looking directly to his eyes. Those beautiful, brown eyes.

“Do you really think I would do that to you?” he asked sarcastically while smiling a bit and squeezing your hand. You didn’t say anything back. You just smiled and looked to the street. You both started your way back home hand to hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, what do you think? I'd really appreciate if you told if this makes sense! Also, what are bookmarks? (when I told you I didn't know how to use this site, I wasn't lying)  
> Again, sorry about the mistakes there may be. I really try to proofread it, but it's really difficult.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I just want to apologise before hand if the pace of the story is slow. As I said before, it's my first time writing. I hope you're enjoying the fic so far!

The walking back to each other homes was quiet, but you didn’t know if it was uncomfortable or not. On the one hand, you were hoping Sachirō would say something to you about your confession. On the other hand, you thought that if you brought the topic back, it would be too insistent on your part. So, you just opted to stay silent and wait and see if Hirugami was thinking the same as you.

“I want you to come to me whenever your father tells you something that hurts you” he told you as you both were standing hand to hand in front of your house. He then hugged you tightly, like if you were to run away from him. “Please, try not to use drugs anymore. Just come to me.”

You hugged him back. You were gripping him like if your life depended on it. “I’ll try. But I don’t want to interfere with your volleyball practice and all that.” You told him sniffing. Tears were running down your cheeks.

“You can be the team’s manager. We really need one, and it would be a valid excuse to be away from your father for longer time.” He said while looking at you. He loosened his grip but he didn’t let go. You still had your face against his chest.

“I don’t know, Sachirō. I mean, I’d really like to take the position, but I don’t think he would like the idea.” You said to him as you moved your head away from his chest.

“Tell him you will be given extra credits.” Sachirō impulsively said. He was never this impulsive. He always gave some thoughts to the things he wanted to say, but for some reason, he found himself trying to convince you so hard to be away from your house that he didn’t think twice about the words he was uttering. “Also, don’t you want to study sports medicine? Being close to a sport team will help you, obviously.” He took your hands from behind him and intertwined your fingers with his. “Look, I know I’m being insistent about this, but I really think you should spend more time at school. If you don’t want to be the volleyball club’s manager, it’s fine. But try to fine another club to join, please. I hate to see you crying.” He said as he lowered his forehead to yours. You both had your eyes close and your hands were gripping each other’s tightly.

“I know you mean good, Sachirō. But it’s not that easy. He is my father, like it or not. He has no parents or siblings, or wife. He is alone.” You looked at him with a sad smile on your face. You felt pity for your father; however, he brought his loneliness to himself. He was the only responsible for the things that had happened to him.

Hirugami just nodded in understanding. He didn’t want to say more that he should. He then moved nearer to a tree, reached his arm out and grabbed a flower. He came back and gave it to you.

“I would have never thought you were the romantic ty-” you trailed off as he bended down to kiss your check. You were motionless for about a minute. Sachirō could see how your face turned into a tomato and he laughed softly. “Wha- why did you do that without warning?” you whispered (shouted). You could feel your forehead and hands start to sweat. “Oh my god, I’m sweating like a pig. See what you’ve done…” you started rambling, but Hirugami listened none of the things you were saying. He just looked at your red face. That sweet and red and beautiful face of yours. “Do it again.” Those three words you uttered were enough to bring Sachirō back to real world. He just looked at you with wide and surprised eyes. And now, it was him the one whose face turned red. You were looking to the flower he had given you, but the blush in your cheeks was still there. He bended down again and kissed your forehead once more, but this time, the kiss was a bit longer and stronger. “I would have never guessed that you were the romantic type, Sachirō.” You told him smirking.

“You are one to talk, miss _“do it again”_ ”. He said mockingly.

“Sweet dreams, Sachirō.” You greeted him as you walked to your door. You took a look back over your shoulder to him waving his hand and showing off the biggest smile you had seen him ever give. It was a picture worth to keep in your memory.

You entered your house as quiet as possible. It was late and you were sure your father wouldn’t be happy about you coming home this late, let alone being with a boy. You thought you were safe, but unknown to you; your father was behind a window which faced the front of the house. He saw everything that happened, and obviously, he wasn’t happy with what he saw.

“Where were you?” is what you heard form end of the stairs. He was looking down at you with serious and intimidating eyes.

“I was out with some friends. We went to the hills to see the starts.” You lied. “I know it’s late and I’m sorry, but we were having a good time and time flew-”

“You were having a good time? Who? You and our _good-for-nothing_ neighbour? You like him, don’t you? Well, let me tell you something sweetheart,” he spat every word with excessive sarcasm. “He doesn’t like you back. He is just horny like every boy his age. He will use you like a doll. He will lose interest in you and he will discard you. He will change you for a cuter and thinner girl.” He continued. He was now whispering his words near your ears. You put on the most disinterest face you could muster, but deep inside you were crying. Not because you believed your father, but because it was him, your progenitor, who was telling you these hurtful things. You excused yourself to your bedroom. Once there, the first thing you did was to check Hirugami’s window. There was a dim light, probably lamp, still on. You put your pyjama on and grabbed your phone. You laid down on your bed. You were debating whether to send him a quick message or not. But in the middle of your internal discussion, you received a message form Sachirō. _‘I think nobody had ever called me “lair” before, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me about that. Ps: I think you looked outstanding tonight.’_ After reading that, you felt that if you were to die right there and then, it would be fine. You were euphoric. You hugged your phone tightly and then reread the text once more. All the negative thigs your father told you evaporated. _‘Don’t worry about that. You are already forgiven, beanpole. Ps: we should go out like this more often.’_ With that, you went straight to sleep.

As he received your massage, Sachirō left out a relieved laugh. He was sure you weren’t mad at him because he had lied to you before, but double-checking never hurt anybody.

“Oh my God. You are such a simp!” his sister said to him while laughing. Shōko, who was visiting his family as her team was free that week, also saw the show you and Sachirō gave in front of your house.

“At least I’m not so lovey-dovey I want to puke.” He answered as he stuck his tongue out.

“After the display you two performed in front of her house? Yeah, sure!” she sassed back at him.

“You know spying on other people is not such a good manner, do you?” he smiled feigning innocence.

As Shōko was about to answer back, they heard a shout coming from the room two doors away “If you two don’t stop bickering right now, I’m going to ground both of you. I don’t care that you are 20 and 16 years old. Just stop.” They looked at each other and silently agreed on stop the argument for now. Even though their mother was loving, she could be terrifying when she got mad at them.


	4. Chapter 4

“What were you arguing about last night with your sister?” was the first thing Sachirō heard her mother say to him at almost 6:00 A.M on a Monday.

“Good morning to you too, mom.”

“Good morning my baby boy” she greeted her son as she got nearer and hugged him. “Now, don’t bother to change the subject and tell what the fuss was all about.”

“Nothing important, you know. She was just being the annoying elder sister.” He tried to make their bickering as insignificant as possible. The thought of his family finding out the he was going out (were you and him going out to begin with?) with their neighbour would be the end of his façade as the most disinterest human being in dating. It wasn’t that he hated the idea of dating, but all the girls he knew were a bit hasty, and unfortunately for him, he liked to take his time to gather and analyse information. But you were different. Just like him, you rejected every boy that ever confessed to you. He never heard you talked about boys (or girls) in the way most students did. You were there, minding your business, which he liked a lot. 

“Well, if you don’t tell me, I’ll ask your sister once she wakes up.” His mother simply stated.

“That’s fine. She will tell you the same.”

“We will see about that.” His mother gave him a look that said she knew something was going on.

Sachirō just sat on a chair and started to eat his breakfast. Once his mother left the kitchen, he took his phone out form his pocket and texted his sister. ‘Don’t tell mom or dad’. It was simple and short, and he was sure his sister would understand what she wasn’t supposed to tell their parents. After he finished his breakfast, he went upstairs again. He moved the curtains to see if he could have a peek at you. Fortunately for him, your window was already opened and he could see you. You were putting on your shoes while you were reading a book. He couldn’t see which one it was. And from nowhere, he came up with an idea. He took his schoolbag, arranged his tie and opened his window. He took a foot out and stepped on the roof, and then did the same with the other. You were so immersed in your reading you didn’t notice Sachirō’s shadow. He internally laughed at your absentmindedness and proceeded to knock at your window. You jumped from your sitting position on your bed to your feet and tried to supress a scream from coming out of your mouth.

“You are going to be the death of me, aren’t you?” you said to him calming down.

“I didn’t know not saying ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ wasn’t the order of the day in greetings anymore.”

“Well, I didn’t know that scaring the shit out of someone was a new way of greeting either.” You answered back playfully.

Before he could answer back, you both heard footsteps getting nearer. In panic, you took Sachirō’s hand and moved him behind your bedroom’s door.

“Are you ready for school yet?” Your father asked in a disinterested tone.

“Hi, dad. I’m almost finished. I just need to put on my shoes and pack my bag.”

“Close the doors when you leave.” He finished as he turned around and left your room.

“Yes, sure.” You said a bit sad. He never stayed long enough to hear your answers. You sat on your bed again. You heard your father turning his car on. After that, the noisy engine started to move away. A few moments passed and Sachirō got out form the space between the door and the wall. He could feel the change in the atmosphere.

“Have you had breakfast yet?” Hirugami asked you using a cheerful tone.

“I’d really like a cup of coffee right now.”

“Your wish is my command.” He said as he turned around and started to head to the kitchen.

“Do you even know where the coffee is?” you asked, knowing well that he didn’t.

“Not the slightest idea.” He laughed while he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“Just wait until I’m done and I’ll make some coffee.” you just said.

As you finished getting ready for school, Sachirō paid close attention to your room. He had never been in your bedroom before. Your walls were light-blue and light green and there were shelves with some books and photos. He got closer to the shelf with the photos. There were some with an old man and who Hirugami thought was your mother. There was a clear resemblance between your mother and you. You had inherited her eyes and hair. Sachirō moved to another photo. In this one, he could see your mother holding you tightly. He supposed it was the day you were born. The next one displayed a younger you and a boy your age. You were both at a park. You had your knee bandaged and the boy hair and clothes were a mess. Both of you were smiling brightly and Hirugami made a mental note to try and make you recreate that beautiful smile of yours. But this time, he wanted to be the reason why you were smiling. Before he could go on looking at your pictures, you told him you were ready and he followed you as you left your room. You made the both of you a cup of coffee, drank it and the left your house.

“Do we have to go and pick up Hoshiumi-kun?” you asked as you locked the front door. 

“Yes. He lives near, just a few blocks from ours houses.” He answered. He hesitated for a moment but then, he reached out for your hand. He intertwined his fingers with yours. Moments later, he could see you blush. “If you don’t want to hold hands, it’s okay. We don’t have to do that. We can just walk side by side.” He tried to separate his hand form yours, but you just squeezed his hand and didn’t let go.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but what would happen if someone saw us holding hands? I mean, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my father to know.” You started walking and he quickly caught up with your pace. “Also, I don’t know if I want your fangirls to know about us. The only thing that’s missing is suffering bullying, not only from my father’s part, but from the schoolgirls, too.” You added in a worried and sad tone. You were looking downwards, the blushing from before was gone now. “I’m sorry if I sound irritating, but I-” you stopped speaking as Sachirō abruptly halted his steps. You stopped too, and turned your head up to look at him. His expression was serious but he wasn’t angry.

“You are not being irritating, (y/n)” he started. He used his other hand to reach and cup your cheek. “I know why you are telling me this and I’m okay with that. If you want to keep our relationship as private ad possible, that’s fine to me. I wasn’t planning to tell my parents, anyway. But I think my sister saw us last night, and I think she knows what’s going on. Sorry about that.” He smiled apologetically.

“That’s okay. You couldn’t have known she would be watching us.” You reassured him. However, his comment made a red light turn on in your head. _He didn’t think about telling his parents_. It just reminded you of what your father told you last night. _‘He doesn’t like you back. He will use you like a doll. He will lose interest in you and he will discard you_.’ Was that the reason why he didn’t want to tell his parents? You were brought back to real life when he squeezed your hand.

“Penny for your thoughts, (y/n).” he said smiling playfully.

You just look up to him and said: “it’s nothing. I was just wondering if I have to fill a form or something like that to be the manager of a club.” You answered as you resumed walking and smiling playfully.

Hirugami started walking with your hands still intertwined. He stayed silent for a moment. He wasn’t sure if he had listened well. “So, you are taking the manager position?” he asked you. He hid his excitement.

“Well, I have some free time. Besides, you seem keen on the idea of me being part of the club.” You stated with a smirk on your face.

You kept discussing about what a manager job was. Sachirō illustrated you with some volleyball knowledge. Even though you knew a few things about the sport, you only understood basic concepts about the game. You were sure you would have to spend time at the school library to catch up with some notions. You both were so immersed in the conversation you didn’t noticed Kōrai waiting for you at his house’s door. He just waited for you both to pass his house and then he followed you. He was close enough to hear your conversation. You had gone through all positions on a team. He did not contribute to the exchange at any moment. But you Sachirō about the ‘ace’ of a team, he was about to lose his composure. Hirugami explained in detail what an ace was.

“In our case, Hoshiumi-kun is our a-” Sachirō trailed off. He had completely forgotten about his best friend. He paid attention to his surroundings and tried to think about how long you both had passed Kōrai’s house.

“You forgot something?” Kōrai said calmly. He was mad at the beginning but when he realised his friend was not only talking but holding this girl’s hand, who was Hirugami’s neighbour and crush, it made him stop from throwing a tantrum.

As you and Hirugami heard the ace’s voice, you both stood dead on your feet. You slowly turned your heads and bodies to see the smaller of you three with his arms crossed over his chest and a pout you found adorable and not at all intimidating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Hope you had a nice Christmas Eve! Sorry about the delay, but yesterday was my birthday (yes, such timing for being born, and yes, I share birthday with Hawks and Nezuko :P) and needed to finish some preparations. I really hope you had enjoyed the chapter. I don't think I'm uploading anything before new year, so if I don't post anything I hope you start the year the best way possible!


	5. Chapter 5

You and Kōrai were sitting on a bench in a park near school. Sachirō had left both of you to go to the nearest convenience store to buy his best friend the Kappa Ebisen he liked so much.

“So…” Kōrai started “Are you two, you know, like, dating or something like that?” he inquired.

You felt the heat in your cheeks intensified and you knew they were as red as a strawberry. “Well, no. I mean, yes. No, I don’t mean yes but I don’t mean no either.” You rambled.

“(Y/n), please, don’t die. Sachirō would kill me if you died because I asked you if you were dating.”

“I like him. And I think he likes me back. But I don’t want to pressure and bother him.” You said while putting your face into the palms of your hands, feeling completely lost.

“He really likes you, too. I’ve seen how he pays attention to everything you do. He knows your favourite bending machine drink, your favourite candies, your favourite spot under the tree behind the gym. God, he even knows if it is a bad or good day depending on how you are sitting on your chair. For me, these things show that he likes you, a lot. I haven’t seen him so observant other than volleyball.” He said. His gaze lost in the street in front of you.

You were speechless. Was he really paying all that attention? “Hoshiumi- kun, would you mind being my friend?” you asked him while smiling softly to the outside hitter.

Hoshiumi was absolutely taken aback by your question. He turned his face to look at you and when he saw your smile, he felt that he could never say no to you. “Of course we are friends. I need someone that can help me bother Sachirō.” He said as he smiled back at you. You brought your hand up and forward, showing him that you wanted to shake his.

“Have we got a deal?” you asked, waiting for his hand to shake yours.

“Hell yes!” he answered enthusiastically while grabbing and shaking hands with you. 

“When I see you both smiling at each other and shaking hands, I feel a shiver run through my body. Please, tell me you didn’t agree on selling your souls to the devil for a few inches.” Sachirō, who was back from the store with Korai’s snack and your favourite sweets, said teasingly.

You could feel Hoshiumi’s rage coming through his pores, but before he could answer his best friend back, you said: “We made a deal. I will help him with his English homework and he will show tell me embarrassing stories about you.” At hearing your words, Hirugami’s face turned into a pout and Hoshiumi’s expression changed into a diabolic smile. You just giggle at Sachirō and Kōrai’s antics.

“Soooo, have you already kissed or not?” Kōrai asked genuinely. He was like a child being told a story and he really wanted to know what had happened.

You and Sachirō were shocked by his bold but not ill-intentioned question. Hirugami blushed just a bit and held on his relaxed expression. On the other hand, you didn’t. As Hoshiumi uttered his question, you were sipping your drink. Needless to say you ended spitting out and lightly chocking. Sachirō tried to soothe your discomfort rubbing circles on your back.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Hoshiumi said. He wasn’t entirely wrong. Sachirō kissed you, but not in the way Kōrai meant. “But you are dating, aren’t you?” the wing spiker added.

At this point, you were as red as a tomato. You were panicking. It was true that you did want to know where you and Sachirō were standing, but you really wanted to avoid making things awkward. For you, Sachirō was more than a classmate and a crush. He was the most similar thing you could have after your mother’s death.

Hirugami looked at your flustered state. You were red, looking down to the ground and fiddling with your fingers. “I like how dating sounds like.” Sachirō answered to his friend.

At hearing to his words you froze and slowly raised your head to look directly to your neighbours eyes. Did you hear him well or where you hallucinating?

“What do you think, (y/n)? Would like to date me?” Hirugami asked you with a soft smile.

You held his gaze for a moment and then, out of nowhere, you hugged him, putting your face directly on his chest and nodding. Your neighbour was completely shocked by your response to his question, however, he followed suit your action and held you tightly. Before breaking free from your embrace, he kissed the top of your head. You felt good after the horrible morning start you had.

“Oh, please. Find a room.” Kōrai’s voice broke the romantic moment. You and Sachirō laughed at the ace.

“I’m sorry, Kōrai. But this was your fault. You asked.” Sachirō answered.

“Yeah, whatever.” The shorter boy said. “Anyways, I can’t wait to see the face Gao is going to make when I tell him you both are dating. Oh man, I won the bet.” The ace said triumphantly. You could sparkles coming from his persona.

“What bet?” You and Hirugami said at unison. There was a bit of concerned and actual curiosity in your tone.

“Shit!!! I shouldn’t have said that!” Kōrai lamented, losing the happiness he had moments before.

“Kōrai, mind to explain us what you are talking about?” Sachirō spoke, irritation coming out of his pores under the façade of tranquillity.

“Mmmmm, well, you know, there is bet Gao and I made. I bet that you would ask (Y/n) out before the third year, while he said you would ask her while in the third year.” The wing spiker said ashamed and scared of Sachirō’s reaction towards the bet.

Before the middle blocker could say something to her friend, you interrupted: “I’m happy you won the bet, Kōrai-kun.” You stated with a wide and sincere smile on your face and a bit of blush on your cheeks. Both boys looked at you with eyes full of amazement. It was rare to see you smiling so brightly, which made moment ever more special. “But, you have to promise me something, Kōrai-kun”, you continued, “Promise me that you won’t tell anybody about me and Sachirō.” You reached for his hand with both yours while looking at him with a soft smile.

Hoshiumi looked back at you and he could feel his heart squeezed. “I won’t tell anybody. I promise.” He said with a serious tone and expression. However, he changed his expression to a sad pout. “Can I tell Gao, though? I mean, I can’t win the bet if he doesn’t know about you.” He added. He was trying to put his best puppy eyes. It worked.

“Ok. But just Gao.” You assured him.

After hearing your words, Kōrai smiled and started running to school. I was obvious that he was looking for certain middle blocker to tell him he had won the bet. You and Sachirō exchanged gazes as you watched your friend disappearing.

“So, you are happy that I asked you out?” Hirugami asked with a smirk on his face.

“I think is time for us to head school. If I’m late, my that won’t let me hear the end of it.” It was true. Your father was strict, but you were using this as an excuse to avoid your now official boyfriend to tease you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello there! Sorry I've absent like a lot more than usual but I've been busy doing things at home and playing video games (I live to procrastinate). Also, I have to start studying for my final exams. They start on February but I have to take at least 7 (yes, seven) subjects. So, yes, I'm going to lose some hair.  
> Coming back to the fic, I think that next chapter is going to be a flashback. I don't know if it going to be about childhood only or if I'm going to include parts of the first year at Kamomedai. I have to think about that yet. But something is for sure. At least one character from Miyagi is going to appear ;).  
> I hope you are doing fine and that you started the new year the best you could.  
> See you around! <3
> 
> PS: Sorry about the mistake. I tend to proofread but I think I lack the skill needed to it properly :P


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! Hope you are doing just fine! This whole chapter is a flashback, so beware :P There is going to be at least one more flashback chapter. Happy reading! <3

The first memory you ever had is you in a park in the Miyagi Prefecture. You don’t exactly remember it with much detail but there was something you would never forget, and it was its swings. You remember going up and down, forward and backward. On sunny days, windy days and clouded days. Even when it was raining, you would beg your mother to let you go there. You were obsessed with it. You still wonder the reason for such devotion for a simple playground ride. However, it wasn’t the only thing you liked about the park. The other thing you will always treasure is that you spent uncountable times with your cousin there. Semi Eita was more than just a cousin for you. He was your best friend, and years later you understood that he was the brother you would never have. He was only a year older than you and you both enjoyed each other company during your incursions to the plaza. It was easy to get alone with him. He might have seemed stoic the first time you approach him, but he was a sweet and nice boy to be around.

“Semi-Semi, push me harder! I want to do a turn around the upper pole!” you said excitedly.

“(Y/n), are you mad? You are going to fall!” Your cousin replied, worry in his voice.

“Come on, Eita! Don’t be a scaredy-cat!” You turned your head while Semi kept on pushing you as hard as he could. You could see the concern all over his face. You just laughed at him. As the swing reached the highest point, you jumped and landed on your feet. “OK. What do you want to do, Semi-Semi?”

“I’ve got a new jigsaw puzzle at home. Do you want to come and try to put it together? We can have a sleep over if you want!” Eita answered cheerfully.

“That sounds good! I’ll go and ask my mother. See you later!” You waved your hand and proceeded to head to your home. As you were reaching the front door, you stopped. You heard something fall and break. Maybe a mug or a plate, you thought. And seconds later you listened to your father’s voice: “You are useless. I don’t know why I married you. We even had a child, who is just as useless as you. God, I wish you would have aborted her.” Your father uttered as his steps banished. ‘Aborted?’ you asked to yourself. You had never heard that word before, but for the tone your father used, you could guess it was not a nice word. After a moment, you heard a faint sob. Your mother was crying, again. It wasn’t the first time you heard her cry. In fact, it was another of your of your first memories. The crying almost always happened after your father. It was him the one who triggered this reaction from your mother. It made you feel odd. Contrary to what was a routine at your home, married couples tended to be happy, lovey-dovey and nice to each other. It wasn’t that they didn’t argue with one another, but there was certainly times (most of them) in which they were affectionate and supportive. But that was not the case with your parents. Nope. He resented his wife completely and, at some point, you. However, it wasn’t what made you feel curious the most. It was the reason why he resented both of you that took the prize.

You silently opened the front door and took a peep through the door. Your mother was still sobbing as she was grabbing the pieces of the broken mug from the floor. It was the mug you gifted her last year for Mother’s Day. “Mom, what happened?” You tone as you asked was sad and worry. Your mother jolted at hearing your voice and turned around sniffling.

“Nothing, sweetheart. I just dropped the mug you gave me last year. Sorry about that. It was my favourite.” She said with a sad smile on her face. Then, she turned to see the clock on the wall. “Anyways, what are you doing here so early? Did you and Eita argue again?” She questioned.

“Nope. I came here because Semi invited me over to spend the night at his. So, can I go and stay at auntie’s house? Pleaseeeeeeeeee?” You showed the best puppy eyes you could. Not that you needed them. You knew your mother would let you spend the night at her sister’s home. After all, you lived just a block away.

“Yes, sweetheart. You can go and spend the night there. Just be a good girl and help your aunt if she needs something, ok?” She said while she kissed your forehead.

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“Auntie, what is the meaning of abortion?” You asked while helping her prepare dessert.

“Wha- Why do you ask? Where did you listen that word?” Your aunt questioned back, totally shocked by the question. You knew that it was something bad. Whenever adults didn’t tell you the answer straight, it was because you were asking something not really nice.

“On the TV.” You lied. You hated to do it, but you were completely sure your mother’s sister wouldn't answer your question if she knew that it was your father who used that word against you. She gave you a suspicious look, but nonetheless, she explained the meaning of the word to you.

“Was it in a soap opera you heard that in?” Your aunt asked you, eying you from the side as she peeled some tangerines. She had her eyes narrowed as she analysed you. She was looking for some signal, either in your body or voice (or both), that would give away yourself.

“Well…” you started. “Actually, I listened to it on the news report. But mom changed the channel immediately, and so, I couldn’t hear about it.” You tried to sound as convincing as possible. And your aunt seemed to believe you as she relaxed and stopped her incessant scanning of your persona.

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“Eita?” You addressed your cousin from the futon next to him. You were looking at the ceiling. You couldn’t see much, though. The only things providing light were the lamps form the street outside and the moon itself.

“Are you ok, (Y/n)? Do you need something?” He asked, half asleep, though he could hear uncertainty, worry and sadness in your voice.

“Do you think I’m useless?”

“Wha- Why do you ask? Who called you that?” Semi asked. There was no denying that he was, indeed, your aunt’s son. He had rolled to his side, facing you. He had opened his eyes, and he was feeling a bit groggy, but his concern about your question was very present in his questions.

“Just answer me. Am I useless? Worthless even?” Your sight never left the ceiling. You were like in a sort of trance. It was really challenging for you to ask this, but if there were somebody you blindly trusted in, it was your cousin.

“Why would you ask something that dumb?” He answered. “Of course you are not useless. You are only 11 and you already know how to cook, and you learned to play the guitar, and you have top marks at school, and you even know how to knit, and… I mean, there are a lot of things you can do. You are not worthless or useless. Whoever told you that is wrong.” He added. Even though the room was poor illuminated, he could see the tear that running down your cheek. He moved from his futon to yours and with his hand to dry your tear. Then, he positioned himself closer and hugged you. And that was the only thing missing for you to snuggle into his embrace, sobbing quietly onto his chest. “(Y/n)…” He whispered as he caressed your head trying to sooth you. “What’s wrong?”

“My dad.” You said trying and failing not to choke with your own sobs.

“What does your father have to do with this?” He asked confused.

“He is the one that called me useless. He broke my mother’s mug and said she and I were useless. And he said he wishes I was never born at all.” You answered, crying fat tears and gasping for air between words. You were so hurt. You loved your parents, but you knew you would never love your father the way you loved your mother. It was impossible. Whenever there was an event at school, it was your mother was there for you; when you were feeling sad or down, it was your mother who tried hard to raise your spirits; whenever you needed a piece of advice or someone to listen to you, your mother was there. It had always been your mother; your father was completely and utterly absent in every occasion. And that was when a realisation hit you. Did you love your father? Did you feel something for him?


	7. Chapter 7

After that night, you could notice a change in Semi. He had become more protective, encouraging and supporting to you. He also insisted on hanging out more often, and whenever he had the chance, he would prolong your time together until the point where either you stayed at his house or your mother had to go for you. At first, it went unnoticed, but after some times of this behaviour showing off, you realised what he was trying to do. You appreciated that. After all, he had good intentions. However, your conscience told you not to leave your mother alone. At the end of the day, she was the person who needed you the most.

“What do want to do now, (Y/n)?” Semi asked you. You both had spent the whole afternoon   
“playing” volleyball. More like you missed every toss he gave you. You even got your knees scraped because you fell several times. Nonetheless, you always enjoyed playing with your cousin.

“I think I’m going to head home now, Semi.” You said, panting heavily.

“Oh. I thought that maybe we could watch that new film you were talking about yesterday.” Semi answered, trying to convince you of accepting his offering.

“Maybe tomorrow, Eita. Thanks anyways. See you tomorrow.” You greeted your cousin as you headed home.

A familiar scene received you at home. There were some things on the floor, most of them broken. Your demeanour changed and a frown appeared on your face. You were getting tired and worried about this routine. But what scared you the most was your mother’s well-being. Up to that day, your father’s abuse was only verbal. He broke things, yes. But he had never hit you or your mother, which made you felt relief. But that relief was short-lived. As you went through the rooms of the house, you heard a faint sob coming from the bathroom. It was undoubtedly your mother. You opened the door slowly in order to not scare her and just to take a peek. And what you saw made your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach. Her lip was broken and his left eye was turning violet. There was no need to explain where those came from. You perfectly knew it was your father’s work. You felt like it was the worse day of your existence. You loved your mother the most, and seeing her in this state of pure sadness and pain only helped you realised that you didn’t like your father at all. You silently went to your room. You weren’t in the right humour to see your mother like that. You just wanted to vanish in the air, to stop feeling like this. Maybe if you weren’t born at all, your mother wouldn’t be going through this shitty situation.

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Episodes like that one kept happening on your household. You started to stress over leaving your mother alone, which translated into failing marks at school, weight lost and bad sleeping schedule. You looked terrible and this woke your teachers’ suspicions that something wrong was up with you. When they interrogated you about your state, you simply replied that you were having a tough time studying and that kept you awake at night. Obviously, your teachers didn’t buy it. This led to your mother going to school to an interview with your teacher and headmistress. (Un)Fortunately for your mom, she didn’t have any mark or bruise on her face, which made it easier for her to lie about the real situation taking place at home.

Of course, your father was absolutely not happy about this.

“You are such a disgrace, (Y/n).” He told you as you all were sitting at the dining table and eating dinner. “I can’t believe you are my daughter. Just look at you. You look disgusting.”

“Anata, please, don’t tell her that. She didn’t say anything.” Your mother tried to defend you, but the look your father gave her meant that she was in for it.

Your father took his glasses of water and threw the contents of it to your mother. He then proceeded to throw the glass against the wall. He stood up and grabbed you by the hair.

“You are an insignificant, ungrateful brat. I completely regret having you.” He was about to slap your face. You saw the hand coming to your face and closed your eyes, expecting for the sting to spread across your face. But it never came. Instead, you heard something being slapped. It was your mother’s face. His hand connected at full force with her cheek. The sound sent shudders through your body and tears were on the verge of falling from your eyes.

“I don’t get why you try so desperately to protect this stupid punk. She can’t even pass her subjects. She is a worthless piece of shit.” Your father let go your hair and retreated to his bedroom. Your tears were running freely down your face. The next thing you knew was that your mother had taken you to your room, helped you get undress and tucked you in your bed. You were still crying because of what happened moments before, but your mother seemed like she didn’t feel anything as she didn’t cry a single tear.

“Sh, sh, little girl. You are in bed already. Everything will just fine. Everything will be alright.” She cooed to you and tried to soothe you. You nodded to her and closed your eyes, trying to relax. You felt her lips on your forehead and then you heard her leaving your room.

“I don’t think this will ever change, mom.” You murmured once you were alone. And hell, you were right about it.

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After that night, things changed a bit. Your father didn’t hit your mother in front of you again. He didn’t attempt to hit you either. On your side, you started to spend more time at school. You stayed there pass your dinner hour and came back home when you already knew your father was done eating. You felt bad for your mom but she insisted on you spending all the time you could outside your house. Luckily for you, you could count on Semi. Well, most of the days. He still had volleyball practice. But that was perfect. You had the excuse of waiting for him until his done. He also happened to tutor you. You had told him about what happened that night. You thought he would faint when he heard about the slap incident. He panicked and tried to convince you to tell his mother. Maybe she could help. To his distress, your mother had told you not to tell your aunt, so that was out of question.

“But, (Y/n), we have to tell my mom. She can help. You both can come to live with us. We would be always together. Not that we aren’t together now, but we would be amazing if we lived together like siblings.” He told you, trying to convince you to go to his mother.

“I’m sorry, Eita. But I promised mom I wouldn’t tell anybody. I have already broken that promise by telling you.” You said, not taking your eyes from the book you were reading.

“But-“

“Eita, that’s enough. Please, I beg you, stop. Mom told me we will be fine. And I believe her. We are not the happiest, but things have appeased since that night.” You interrupted him, trying to calm him down. You were really grateful that your cousin was there for you. He was the second person you loved the most, just after your mother, of course.

Your words seemed to sink in Semi’s brain, as he didn’t insist on telling her mother anymore. However, he kept his protective big brother act, and you must admit, it made you feel better.

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Your mother lied to you. You couldn’t see through her façade. She was just waiting, gathering the courage needed to leave you behind.

It seemed a normal day. Once your father left the house, you went to her room and snuggled into her. She was unusually silent. No good morning or sweet things were whispered to you. She just hugged you really tight and kissed the top of your head. You didn’t give it much thought. Maybe she had a rough night. You hugged her back and stayed like that for a moment. It was a Saturday morning and the sun was rising.

“I’m going to make breakfast, mom.” You said as you stood up and walked to the kitchen.

“That would be nice, (Y/n).” Your mother answered.

“Maybe we can prepare some dorayaki for dessert!”

“That would be nice. But I think we run out of red bean filling.” Your mother countered looking for the paste but not finding any.

“I can go to the market and buy some. I can ask Semi-Semi to go with me, so you don’t have to go!” You proposed. Your mother just nodded to you with a small smile on her face.

“But first, let’s get breakfast.”

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Coming back from the store with the things you needed for the dorayaki, you asked Eita if he wanted to come and have lunch with you and your mom. He immediately agreed, but told you to stop by his house and ask her mother for permission.

“Mom, can I go to auntie’s house to have lunch?” Your cousin asked once you both were inside the house. But there was no answered. On the contrary, his house was awfully quiet, considering that there was a new born baby girl in his family.

He didn’t like how silence was the only thing heard and so, you both proceeded to look for his family. There was nobody in the kitchen or living-room, his parent’s room was empty, too. Eita went running to his little sister’s room. She wasn’t there. He was starting to get uneasy and apprehensive.

“Eita, don’t worry. I’m sure that your parents went somewhere with your sister. They will be fine. Let’s go to my house. Maybe my mom knows where they are. We can even call them if you want.” You said to him as you caressed his shoulder. He just nodded to you. You both walked back to the front door and went directly to your house.

The first thing you see when your cousin and you turned on the corner was Semi’s father’s car and ambulance at the front of your house. You both stayed still, petrified at the sight. You let the bag with the groceries fall to the ground and started running to your house. As you were approaching it, you could see your uncle, aunt and baby cousin outside the door. Your cousin was on her stroller, sleeping soundly. However, your aunt was the contrary. She was bawling as quietly as was possible to her. Your uncle was holding her, caressing her head. With this image getting to your brain, you understood that something really bad had happened. And you were sure, and hoping to be wrong, that it was something that had to do with your mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! I've been pretty absent these days and I'm really sorry. The thing is that I'm preparing for taking my final exams next week :P  
> First of all, happy belated birthday to our lovely Sachirō!   
> Second, I won't be posting anything in the next month, or two. Idk yet. I have to take like 4 or 5 final exams and I think I'm gonna lose all my hair 🙃🙃🙃. Anyway, how have you been doing? How is 2021 treating you so far? I hope you are doing fine.   
> I've been more active on Tumblr (in the sense that I've been reading more posts there, but I've not posted anything yet. I still don't know how to use it 😅). So, I'm leaving my URL in case you want to interact with me: http://paranoid-06.tumblr.com/  
> Ok, that's all for now. I hope you are enjoying my work so far. Comments are always welcome, it doesn't matter when you comment.   
> See (read) you soon and stay safe! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

**Author's Note:**

> So, you made it until the end of this chapter. Congrats! You are welcome to comment or send me messages (is that possible here?). I own an tumblr account but I don't know how to use it (same with this page lol). Anyway, you may try and contact me there, too. My user name is paranoid-06.  
> Please, do tell what you think about this! Any suggestions or criticism is welcome!


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